OH HAI

I have to say it like the lolcats do. Always...

I've missed my blog. I won't make any excuses or promises, but days turned into weeks and a month-plus and I knew it was happening. I think that I over think what I'm going to write and then don't do anything at all.

So, here's where we are:

- Weight wise, I fell kind of mixed about it. I weigh exactly the same, about 155. I'd say it's kind of a bummer but it's not. I know exactly why it's still like that and I know what to do to change it. I can't be all sad that some miracle didn't happen when I was drinking wine and eating Easter candy.

- I've done a lot of thinking and soul searching (that sounds kind of cheesy, huh?) about running. I've come to terms that there is nothing holding me back from these fantasies about running fast other than myself, my mental dialogue and my previous unwillingness to get extremely uncomfortable. I made my last breakthrough by running as much as I could at the speed I wanted to get to. I was running at 5mph and had been stuck there for years. My trainer ordered me to run at the 6mph I was hoping for, as long as I could, and then report back to her on how far I got. It wasn't long until I was close to 2 miles before I had to slow down. As I've said before, in order to run faster, you need to...run faster!

- I started volunteering with Back On My Feet's Boston chapter. It's amazing. Please check out the link for more information. In short, it's a running program that supports homeless men and women who come run with us and in exchange, get a sense of community, purpose, a feeling of value and support. After attending for a length of time, with good attendance, they can also earn job training, housing assistance, etc. It's hard to put it into words though. It's so much more. I knew a lot about the program before I joined, since I had to wait a while for my schedule to work out so I could commit. I was still humbled my first day. I'll write more later since they deserve their own post.

- Training! Races! Well, the Boston Marathon was last weekend and I've been bit again. I have fantasies about running it that make me all misty eyed and sniffly. The reality is that I can run one single solitary mile at qualifying pace. I guess the good part is that It's one more than I used to. I'll never say never, but I have a looooot of work to do before I get close to thinking about it. It's work I'm willing to do, but I know it's a long haul and that I need to get out of my own way.

My triathlon is this summer! I am most likely (FINALLY! Yes! I know!) buying my bike next weekend. The best part of that, other than actually having a bike, is that I have to go out and see how fast I ride so my trainer and I can set a time goal. Yay! I wasn't sure we were going to do that, but she wants me to push myself. Well, so do I!

Since one of my friends ran her first marathon in March (youknowwhoyouare!), I am dying to run my first. It doesn't seem that there is one this year that will work for me, so I am pretty certain that I will do one in February or May of 2013.

2013 may end up being a big year! Most of you know about my Ironman triathlon obsession. My friend and I were joking about doing one of the 70.3 (Half-Ironman) races next summer and now it's kind of serious. Well, at least I am, but the recent trend has been the two of us talking each other into races (hello first tri for me...). I'm specifically thinking about doing the Timberman 70.3 at Lake Winnipesaukee, NH.

Running a marathon and doing a Half-Ironman in 2013 will hopefully get me ready for 2014....

...for a Full Ironman! I have to do it. I have to stop talking about it, stop obsessively watching youtube videos, stop having weird dreams about it and JUST. FREAKIN. DO. IT. It consists of a 2.4 mile swim, a 112 mile bike ride and ends with a marathon for a total of 140.6 miles. Now you see where 2013 is handy! Some people train for these right out of the gate, but I don't want to attempt it without doing at least one full marathon first. The 70.3/Half-Ironman is literally half of all those distances and will be a good hint at what the Full will feel like. I am so excited for next year and the year after that I have to remind myself to live in the moment.

Lastly, swimming and personal training have been great. I have been able to push myself more in training, but I still struggle with being in that mindset right out of the gate. I know I can kill these workouts but I don't actually do it until the second round. I need to fix this. Maybe coffee? Swimming has been a lot of fun and a great workout. Today, finally, everything clicked and I was able to swim with good form. Usually, if there were, say, six elements I was trying to focus on, I'd get 5 right. Today, I was able to have good hand entry, glide, extend my arm back properly, breathe at just the right time, etc. All of a sudden it was like magic! It felt so smooth and I could go so much faster with much less energy. EUREKA! Even my coach was excited. It was kind of funny. It really was just this moment where it clicked and now that I've felt it, it's easier to keep it that way.

- That leads back to weight again. I need to lose it. The majority of my motivation is that I want to be more competitive. I'm not saying I want to win anything, but I'd like to run 20lbs lighter! Maybe place in an age group in a smaller (not Boston you speedster!) 5K. I'm not sure what my ultimate goal is, but I'm aiming for the high 130s to start. Maybe that will be it. I can't really know until I get there. I do know that I have a big motivator now and that the upcoming increase in training will also help.

That's it for now! I have plenty more to say, but I think I'll space it out and try to write more than once every 6 weeks. ;)

(please excuse any typos for now...if I don't hit publish, I'll never get this done!)